I know you have probably heard it a thousand times, how us mums put our needs last. Todays post isn't about that, but about our friendships. Which when I think about it, actually come pretty close to last too.
I often lay in bed at night thinking of a friend I haven't spoken to in a very long time. I feel guilty that I haven't reached out, and 1am isn't exactly the time to be doing it, but because I have been so busy he/she hasn't popped into my head during the day.
I then feel like crap and beat myself up for not fostering the relationship and worrying that he/she thinks that I don't value our friendship as much as they do or even as much as I actually value it.
Then when I do remember, and I want to reach out and nurture that relationship, the thought of contacting him/her after such a long time is overwhelming. Then I decide to bite the bullet and do it, and the how of reconnecting causing so much anxiety.
It can be so hard!
The reality is though, you are not the only one. I am not the only one. It is actually very common in adult friendships, for people to lost touch and to not reconnect because they don't know how, or because they are anxious.
Let's do it! This week reach out to someone you haven't in a long time.
I know it can be worrying to think how they might feel about you suddenly trying to come back into their life. He/she might need you to acknowledge that you haven't been in touch. They may even want a reason and as far as I'm concerned, life has been busy is a good enough explanation. If that's what it is don't think that you have to give them a detailed explanation or a timeline of the events that occurred over the last 6 months, to explain why you haven't been in touch.
Start small and be direct
If it has been some time it may be a little awkward and they may want an explanation. A simple hello, reason and asking how they are is all it takes sometimes. I know message isn't always best but if you feel more comfortable, shoot them a text.
- Hey, it's been ages since I have been in touch. Life got really hectic over here but how have you been?
- Hey, sorry it's been so long and I haven't reached out. Things have been piling up. How are you?
Bring back memories
If you get stuck for topics of conversation or are worried about what you might talk about now, bring up old memories the two of you share or ask about the last thing you remember them doing.
- Do you remember that time we...?
- Are you still...?
Make sure when you are talking to them that you show interest in their lives and your not just talking about yours. Asking questions. How? When? Why?
Actually make plans
Ending a convo with, "Let's get coffee some time." or "We should have dinner." might seem polite but, it can actually be quite hurtful and come across insincere. Get your planner out and set the date and time. Make it happen!
Just remember, our friendships ebb and flow. Drifting apart is natural and doesn't necessarily mean its forever either. Just the same, if a friendship is not serving you, it is ok to let it go.